Just doing it!

I think about this blog at least once a week. Often several times in a day.
I really want to keep writing, updating, etc.
For some reason, uploading pictures is really complicated for me, and I have to get Nate's help each time, or I have to rediscover how to do it myself, which means that with both of us usually focused on other things, it doesn't happen.
And then I feel like I can't just put up another post of my thoughts, my musings, and basically just words because I haven't put up any pictures in who knows how long, even though I've been taking them and we have a whole file on the computer just for that.
So I brush the thought aside and keep on with my life, and the moment passes, and those thoughts fly onward, never to be exactly recovered (for good or for ill.)
But right now I decided to just write, and post, what I've been thinking.  My "readership" is probably next to nothing, thanks to the months of blog-neglect, but that's ok.  If someone reads these posts and enjoys them or thinks about them or gets anything good or interesting out of them, that's great.  If I'm pretty much just writing to myself, I'm fine with that too. :)  And if reading my blog irritates, offends, or gets under anyone's skin - they are welcome to move on.  No pressure to stick around!

I've been reading some really interesting books.  One is called "Nickel and Dimed," written by a journalist who did a life experiment of moving to several random places and trying to make all her ends meet as a minimum wage, entry level worker.  She tried it in Key West, some beach town in Maine, and the Twin Cities area in Minnesota, working as a waitress, in hotel housekeeping, with a maid service, as a "dietary aide" in an Alzheimer's ward of a nursing home, and at Walmart.  The first four jobs, she worked two at a time. Basically, it didn't work out.  After giving each situation a try for several weeks, she ended up concluding that it was almost impossible to make ends meet for the basics of housing, food, and transportation, not to mention even thinking about providing for an emergency, even working two minimum wage jobs at once.  And that was beside the way she felt looked down on, manipulated, abused, and totally dead-ended.  She narrates her experiences, bringing to life the people that surround her, people that are not going to go back to a different life with the ease that a little (or a lot!) more money and education might afford them, people for whom these jobs are real life.  I found myself strongly reminded of working in a daycare in Florida...
I must admit, this book left me a little depressed.  But it did get me thinking about the ways that I am privileged!  The privilege it gave me to have parents who emphasized the importance of education, and who provided for me and looked after me so that I could do things like finish high-school and go into college, and then get scholarships to go away and finish college.  The privilege and blessing it is to have a strong support network literally anywhere I go, whether it be family I can call on, or the local ward.  It is so easy to take for granted, even if we never use it, the help that is available just from calling our bishop, our Relief Society President, our Elders Quorum president, or even just visiting or home teachers.  And then there is the privilege of being able to stay home with my children and to be a full-time homemaker for my family.  I'm SO thankful that Nate can provide for us so that I can do this, and so thankful that he agrees with me that this is the best and most important thing I can do for our family.  And I'm privileged and blessed to be able to pass that privilege and blessing on to my children, as I love and teach and care for and set an example for them, one on one, here in our home.
Its an interesting read.  Its definitely not one of those "don't miss it" books, but if you have time and you find it, it's worth it.  Just remember, even if you don't read it, be thankful for the privileges that are yours.

Good Books and Good Toys and a little Rant on the side

 A while ago, I was asked what I think makes a good book.  I have been thinking about it, and I have to say, being a voracious reader of many genre, it is hard to come up with a definitive rubric for qualifying a good book.  (Again, as I have said before, this is not to judge anyone else's choices, only to write about mine.)  I find that a good book, first of all, makes me think.  It may be a little piece of paperback juvenile fiction or a tome of hardcore non-fiction research.  It may be a biography or a self-help book.  Whatever it is, it touches some part of my mind and finds connection in my life, in my dreams, in my consideration of the world and its happenings.  A good book is beautiful.  I'm sorry to say so, but I absolutely detest what seem to be deliberately ugly or crudely done books, particularly children's books.  There is a place in life for ugliness, it is a part of life, but to dwell on it, to roll in it and smear it around, as it were, is something I can't stand.  I find that even the darkest, ugliest parts of life can be treated bravely, honestly, clearly, and come out worth reading about.  A good book is (usually) well written.  Call me a nerd, or whatever you want, but poor grammar, repeated typos, flat characters, and cliched scenes totally turn me off.  It doesn't have to be grandiose - just well-edited and well-written.  That's all I have for now.  I'm an truly an omnivore when it comes to books, but I do end up gravitating more towards non-fiction, autobiography, historical fiction, and the classics.  You never know what you'll find on the shelves, though, so I like to at least walk up and down the aisles, reading titles and occasionally browsing a page or two from random openings.  Choosing books to read is kind of like dating, for me - I almost always knew from the very first date whether there was any potential there.  If not, for the most part, I wasn't too interested in going on more dates, or reading further.  If so... well, let's check it out and see where it all goes!
  And being that its almost Christmas, I've been thinking along similar lines as it pertains to toys.  There are so many toys out there!  I'm afraid I see many of them as mostly trash - cheap plastic, garish noisemakers, and just over all stuff to clutter the floor and hide behind the couch and under the bed.  Before you think I'm a total humbug, I fondly remember the many and varied toys I played with as a child (mostly an enormous collection of very random stuffed animals!) and how every one of them had a name, a back story, and a reason why we absolutely couldn't get rid of it.  I now look back with admiration at my parents forbearance with all our toys.  However, when it comes to "good" toys, I have to say, I do have my opinions.  Mostly I find more and more attractive the simpler, more versatile toys.  Kids make their own fun, use their imaginations, and become very creative with basic, simple things. Stuffed animals - yes.  They become whatever character a child imbues them with, and are mostly harmless and easy to stuff into a box or sack.  Dolls - it depends.  We had some Barbies, and we LOVED the Barbies at Grandma's house, but they always end up with their clothes off and their hair standing up on end.  I loved soft bodied baby dolls though. :)
  So I'm thinking that toys I now like include things like Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, (limited) Legos or Duplos, balls, blocks, beanbags, and yes, some dolls and stuffed animals.  I feel considerably less excited about anything that makes noise, flashes lights, or requires batteries.  I do realize the irony of the fact that while I have my opinions, Eden likes almost anything and finds creative ways to play with everything from the most complicated, technologically advanced toy to a cardboard box.

-*-*-

And here is the Rant....

 I have never watched the new Pixar film, "Brave," but I have heard a few things about it, mostly to the tune of how wonderful it is to have a feature animated kids film with a strong female lead character that doesn't focus on the stereotypical "girly" things.  However, after hearing one of my little girls quote it and discussing with her what she learned from it, I can honestly say I have no desire to watch it or to ever let my daughter do so.
   The little girls were playing together in the living room, H. being Merida and D. being Sleeping Beauty, while I made cornbread around the corner in the kitchen.  I could hear their childish voices, "And then pretend.... And I was wearing.... and then this happened..."  It was cute and funny to overhear, and very much reminded me of pretending with my sisters as a little girl, until suddenly H. quite forcefully said something that struck me right between the eyes.  Quoting the movie, "Brave", she said, "But Mother, I don't want to be like you!!" or maybe it was "I'm not going to be like you!"  Whatever the exact wording was, my immediate feeling was shock.  What a sad and really damaging sentiment for a little girl to catch hold of and internalize!  Perhaps I grew up in an idyllic bubble, but I always wanted to be like my mother, and my grandmother, and the women in my family.  Not exactly like them, of course, but I looked up to them, and saw them as strong, capable, and living out their own adventures, while simultaneously feminine, real, and giving service and love.  I was glad to be a woman, and was excited not only to live my dreams and adventures, but also to fill the roles I saw them fill - wife, mother, aunt, and grandmother chief among them.
    I got the cornbread in the oven, and came out of the kitchen to sit on the living room floor near the girls.  They were having a little spat about which character (Merida or Sleeping Beauty) was better, and asked my opinion.  I managed to placate them with a diplomatic response and then asked H. why Merida didn't want to be like her mother.  She replied that her mother just wanted her to get married and was trying to make her get married, and she didn't want to.  I asked H, "But do you want to get married someday?"  Without delay, and with great emphasis, she told me that she did not want to ever get married, EVER.  Um....what do you say to that?  I just said something like, "Oh, that's too bad.  I think being married is great," and let it go.
  Ok, so she's only four.  And thoughts about marriage, etc. do change over time.  But, again, I just thought it was so sad that she has that idea planted in her head - marriage is horrible, it curbs all your dreams, you become someone you didn't want to be, and its something to be avoided at all costs.  I don't think that its healthy to be obsessed with getting married at that age either, but for heaven's sake! its no wonder we have a generational problem with commitment with these kinds of subliminal (and even overt) messages being relayed into children's heads from the time they are tiny!
  So there's my rant.  Its not that I think that older movies are good just because they are older.  I have noticed, however, a common theme.  In older movies, the good is beautiful, bad is ugly. (Some people see it the other way around, and take offense at the perceived message that beautiful is good and ugly is bad.  I never saw it that way, probably due to my mother's voice in my head, saying "Pretty is as pretty does.")  Goodness, kindness, gentleness, etc. is rewarded by life itself, after passing through trials.  Your attitude is as important as your actions.  In more recent films, I see a distinct swing towards mixing up the moral message.  Beauty may be good or bad, scoundrels may be the hero, actually, and what you get from life, you have to wrest away by your own smarts and chutzpah because life is just going to hand you a raw deal if you don't make things happen your way.  There is some truth in these things.  I just wonder what it does to children's innocence and the development of a moral compass to confront some of these messages at such early ages.

(And here is my disclaimer - I only find snatches of time to write on Sunday afternoons or after Eden's in bed, so I have to type fast.  My ability to make sense and be coherent may thus suffer...)

A REALLY Good Book

I just have to write this review really quickly before I return the book to the library and forget the important details, like title and author and such. :)

"The Brain that Changes Itself"

by Norman Doidge

VERY GOOD BOOK!!

I happen to love good fiction, but when its done right, non-fiction is even more satisfying for me.  I suppose its because I feel like I'm learning something.  And also because I find it hard to find really good fiction. But I digress...

This book is about the plasticity of the brain, investigating it from infancy (and briefly, even prenatally) to old age, and covering topics such as psychoanalysis or "talking therapy," phantom limbs, the effect of mental practice, love and attraction, and disability, whether from birth or other trauma such as a stroke or illness.  I found it absolutely fascinating, and every time I read a section I had to tell Nate all about it to share the information but also because I wanted to process and really remember it, and talking it through/explaining it is one of the best ways I do that.  Of course, I couldn't gobble it up in one go - Eden does a great job of keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground - but that turned out to be a good thing because then I was able to digest it more thoroughly, a chapter or so at a time.  

The writing is engaging and well-done, easy to understand and even apply to daily life despite its often deep roots in philosophy, science, and many years of research across interdisciplinary fields.  

I loved it!  It especially made me think of you two, Bridget and Rosemary, but I think anyone could read it and find both enjoyment and edification!

And now I have to run take care of my kidlet!

It wouldn't be home...

...without a library!!!
No matter where we go, one of the first places I have to find, aside from the church (which is a whole other post!), is the local library.  The familiar warm hush as you enter, sidling past a stranger or two between rows of literature, searching for my favorite sections so that I can go straight to them every time - these experiences are the same wherever I go, and start to make the community mine from the first visit.
Nate knows this, and graciously accomodates his wife's passion for reading. ;)  He also reads, but his literature is usually fat stacks of black and white paper, covered in sections, headings, and diagrams, held together by overstrained staples or bound in three ring binders.
Our tiny town is too tiny for its own library, but thankfully, Naknek does have one! We drove there last week, marvelling at the rather barren-looking, snow-covered  land around us, slowing to a crawl for the destroyed bridges so as not to pop our tires (the continual freeze/thaw turns them into disasters of potholes upon potholes, with large chunks and sharp edges around and between) and squinting into the western sun.  The parking lot was a mess of dirty ice and snow, with rivulets of melting water making mud of what dirt dared show itself. Short, but green, fir trees and more piles of snow surrounded the unassuming little portable that proudly proclaimed itself the "Martin Monsen Regional Library."  It is tiny. But it is a full fledged library!
Sitting on a folding table inside were a few boxes of books with signs that said they were free to a good home.  The librarian told me she had to give some away to make room if she wanted to get anything new!  There were probably 10 rows, stuffed on both sides, plus a small room for the little ones section, and shelves lining the walls.  The books were of all ages, from probably the 1950's up to today's latest edition!  I browsed through the large Alaska section, and then searched out my favorite topics - what probably could be called "all about people and how they work." Health, psychology, social issues, biographies, and especially children's development, and different ideas for teaching and raising them, fascinate me endlessly. I was only allowed to get one, because it was my trial period as a first-time cardholder there, but the librarian took mercy on me and allowed me two.  Really I think it was Eden's charm that did the trick!
One of them is titled, "Strange Son," by Portia Iversen.  In it she recounts her experience as the mother of a son with autism, her fight to find any intervention that would help- the ultimate goal being a cure - and her discovery of a way to finally connect with her son's beautiful soul and mind, a mind she had so desperately believed in.  She connects with a woman from India who has taught her own autistic son to communicate by typing, first on a piece of cardboard with the alphabet written on it, as well as his own shaky but legible handwriting, and then on a laptop.  This is not facilitated communication, where another person holds the affected person's hand while they type, which can cause doubt as to who is really typing.  He did it by himself, showing his wit and intelligence trapped within a body he could not control. This woman eventually taught the author's son to likewise communicate, and went on to share her method with others.
Of course, this story of struggle and discovery, breakthrough and transformation, was deeply moving and touched me beyond what I was prepared for.  Her descriptions of interacting with her son, the communications between the author and the young Indian man with autism exploring his experience of life as an autistic person, are incredible and open up a whole new window onto that condition, as well as opportunity to ponder the experience of others who seem so cut off from "normal" life.  They are in there.  They are children of God, capable of so much, intrinsically valuable, and probably much more aware than science gives them credit for.  I highly recommend this book!