Thursday, September 20, 2012

A REALLY Good Book

I just have to write this review really quickly before I return the book to the library and forget the important details, like title and author and such. :)
"The Brain that Changes Itself"
by Norman Doidge
VERY GOOD BOOK!!
I happen to love good fiction, but when its done right, non-fiction is even more satisfying for me.  I suppose its because I feel like I'm learning something.  And also because I find it hard to find really good fiction. But I digress...
This book is about the plasticity of the brain, investigating it from infancy (and briefly, even prenatally) to old age, and covering topics such as psychoanalysis or "talking therapy," phantom limbs, the effect of mental practice, love and attraction, and disability, whether from birth or other trauma such as a stroke or illness.  I found it absolutely fascinating, and every time I read a section I had to tell Nate all about it to share the information but also because I wanted to process and really remember it, and talking it through/explaining it is one of the best ways I do that.  Of course, I couldn't gobble it up in one go - Eden does a great job of keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground - but that turned out to be a good thing because then I was able to digest it more thoroughly, a chapter or so at a time.  
The writing is engaging and well-done, easy to understand and even apply to daily life despite its often deep roots in philosophy, science, and many years of research across interdisciplinary fields.  
I loved it!  It especially made me think of you two, Bridget and Rosemary, but I think anyone could read it and find both enjoyment and edification!
And now I have to run take care of my kidlet!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Mission; Mothering

I've been home from my mission for four years and four months.  It was truly a very wonderful, very difficult, absolutely challenging and fulfilling, fully worth every moment, year and a half spent loving and learning and growing and serving.  If someone asked me, "Should I go?" my answer would be, "Absolutely!"  But get as ready as you can first.  Be worthy.  Have a testimony.  And determine to do everything you can to serve however you can, to lift rather than to weigh down.  It was a wonderful time - but more challenging than you could ever imagine.  :)

I've heard it said that those mission years were the best two years of one's life.  I've rarely heard it said that they were the hardest two years, maybe partly because that is not a very positive view of such an important period of service, and who wants to admit that anyway?  I will say it though!  They were the hardest of my life up til that point!  However!  Life goes on, and I feel glad and blessed to say that now, while I count my mission as a very special time, it is neither the best nor the hardest years of my life.  I do feel, however, that the experiences and learning that happened during that time have been the best training I could have ever received for the rest of life.

(Some may wonder about my focus on what the mission did for me, seeing that the mission is supposed to be about what we can do for other folks.  I must admit, while others can claim baptisms and miracles, cite numbers of lessons and Book of Mormon placements, my mission was, in those terms, not so successful.  The truth is, I don't really know all that my mission did for others.  I hope it was a blessing to them.  I was able to participate in some baptisms (which, every time, were marvelous, blessed events!) and I know that I was able to do the work the Lord had for me, but I didn't get to see a whole lot of the fruit.  So, while I can't really say what my service did for others, I do know what the Lord did for me through those experiences.)  That being said...

Yesterday was a hard day with my little charge!  We had an epic struggle, and although it all eventually ended well, it spanned nearly an hour and a half, had me in tears at several points, and truly brought me to the end of my wits.  Without going into details, I will simply say in retrospect that it involved, in small degree, obedience and cleaning up, with a large measure of age-typical non-compliance, an already not-so-good day for me, and ... I can't even remember what else now!  It got blown way out of proportion and turned into a real perfect storm of a power struggle.  It was HORRIBLE!

I talked with her dad, and called my mom for suggestions later and, after Eden was asleep, did some reading and pondering.  I was comforted, :) and enlightened, and encouraged enough to keep going.  But more than anything, I was reminded of my mission, the true, eternal, overwhelmingly important mission of motherhood  (or parenthood, I guess you could say.)  It helps everything to have to proper perspective.  I'm not little H.'s mom, but I am acting in loco parentis for a good portion of her life right now, and of course, I have my own daughter and new little one coming.  It helps me to remember what I am actually doing here.

I'm not trying to only shape behavior.  I'm not being the boss just because I'm bigger and its easier if I run things.  I'm not (primarily!) making them do things to make my life easier!  What I'm really trying to do is exactly the same thing I was doing in Spain, and that is, the Lord's work.  Bring souls to Him.  Invite them to come unto Christ.  Every little thing I do influences these little ones' perception of Heavenly Father and His love for them, and who and what our Savior is.  Every teaching, implicit or explicit, registers in their little hearts and minds and leaves the mark of love and truth or the opposite.  (Good thing they're so forgiving and resilient, and we can try again tomorrow!)  I just as much, if not more, need His inspiration and guidance to mother these little ones as I ever did to teach the gospel as a missionary.  I just as much, if not more, need to draw upon His words, His revelation, the power of prayer, the guidance of the Spirit.  I just as much need to examine myself, repent, and be worthy.  Of course, mothering looks a whole lot different and has a different timeline, but I know of no better preparation that I could have had for this crucial and eternal calling in which I am now privileged to serve.

(And just to be clear, I find this calling to be way harder and way better than the other one - but then the other set the stage for this, so I'm not saying its an either/or thing!)


And if you're still reading, past all the parentheses, probably-run-on sentences, and highly condensed, somewhat cryptic thoughts, I give you a gold star! :) And I have a really really good book to review sometime when my little Eden is not pulling at my knee and loudly demanding my attention.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

God Wants to Hear You Sing

This song was a timely reminder for me, here.
I thought maybe some of you could use it too...
Here are the words.

Their chains were fastened tight
Down at the jail that night
Still Paul and Silas would not be dismayed
They said, "It's time to lift our voice, 
Sing praises to the Lord
Let's prove that we will trust Him, come what may."

God wants to hear you sing
When the waves are crashing round you
When the fiery darts surround you
When despair is all you see
God wants to hear your voice
When the wisest man has spoken
And says your circumstance is as hopeless as can be
That's when God wants to hear you sing

He loves to hear our praise 
On our cheerful days
When the pleasant times out weigh the bad, by far
But when suffering comes along
And we still sing Him song
That is when we bless the Father's heart

God wants to hear you sing
When the waves are crashing round you
When the fiery darts surround you
When despair is all you see
God wants to hear your voice
When the wisest man has spoken
And says you circumstance is as hopeless as can be
That's when God wants to hear you sing.

Why is this so easy to forget?
And so hard to do?
Balancing our very real human grief, sorrow, pain, and discouragement with the faith that allows us to "sing" in the midst of it all.  I don't believe that it does any good to deny those experiences and just pretend its all ok - that is not what God requires of us.  Jesus Christ, our very Savior, wept, groaned within himself, even asked that "if it were possible" the cup could pass from him.  Surely we too may do those things in the depths of our struggles.  But to be able to not give in to the temptation to let our sad times then become our sour times... that, for me, is one of the real tests.  And maybe that's what people mean when they say we were sent here to be tested - not that our hard times are our tests, but that what we choose to do with them shows what we have become, are becoming, just as a scholastic test is supposed to demonstrate what we have learned and what we still lack.  
Anyway, sometimes the only song we can manage is the faint melody of duty done for duty's sake.  Even that is precious to our Heavenly Father, I believe.  I appreciated this song, though, because it reminded me to allow that stage to pass and to let the full song come forth in my life as my strength does increase.  To not wallow in misery but to push through it and come out on higher ground.  
I'm thankful for tender mercies like this one.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

A Breather

Sometimes you have to stop thinking about life and just live it.  Just stop asking, "Am I happy today?  Is today a good day?" and do whatever you have to do that day.  At least I do.  Its been a busy, productive couple of weeks, and the breather from blogging has helped.  Much as I love introspection, its good for me to put it away for a little while.  Sorry, still no pictures yet...

One of the brightest parts of these last few weeks has been feeling our new little one move with so much more strength and vigor.  We're a little over twenty weeks! I always wish that somehow I could communicate the sensation more effectively to Nate.  When I try to find the perfect description, it always eludes me and I'm left groping for words.  I've heard the "popcorn popping" and "butterflies" descriptions, and sometimes that does capture the early sensations.  The kicks and punches, blips and pops, are the easiest to imagine, Nate says, and the easiest to describe.  But what about those rolls and squirms and Tectonic-like shifts?  Sometimes the closest I can come is to say it feels like squeezing a bar of wet soap, the sudden, slippery turns where new contours push out and then slide back in just as quickly.  Or like the baby is somehow bunching its whole self up in a corner and then trying to turn around and head out again.  Except as far as I know, there are no corners in the uterus.  Oh, well.  Feeling new life move within me remains one of the most amazing and magical experiences of my life.

Eden is growing so fast.  She climbs and opens, worms her little fingers into things she's not supposed to, and uses the potty for all her little (and big!) poops.  I love it!  We've been doing "elimination communication," or EC, since she was 2 weeks old, and I have to say that, based on our experience, it really works.  At first I was a little (ok, a lot) reluctant to be open about it, because no one understood - mostly we were met with mild defensiveness, "Well, we're going to just let our baby be a baby!..." or downright shock, disbelief, and pooh-poohing, "Well, really you're just training the parents, the baby has no idea..."  The least judgmental, for the most part, were people who had no children.  But one things was true from the start - just like wearing cloth diapers or co-sleeping, doing EC was just something we chose to do for our family.  It didn't mean that we thought those who didn't were unenlightened, or bad parents, or that their kids were less smart than our daughter!  Parenting is such an easy thing to feel offended or defensive over, so I understood that, but, come on!!!  As for the "just training the adult" argument, yes, it was training us adults.  It trained me, especially, to pay closer attention to what my baby was experiencing, communicating, and capable of.  I've read pediatric "medical" writings that claim that children just can't control or have awareness of their bladder and bowel functions until they reach a certain age (usually claimed to be around 2 years old).  I have to say, based on my own experience, that is just not true.  Eden eliminated in the potty from the time she was two weeks old.  And she let me know when she needed to go! And she held it, for a limited time, until I could take her. The "cues" were often subtle and/or I couldn't really explain how I knew, but it was similar to the way I could often say, with a squirm or a grunt, "She's hungry," or "That's a burp coming."  Of course, on the flip side, there were plenty of times when I didn't know, and didn't catch anything.  The point of EC is not to potty train your child early, though that is sometimes a result.  The point is to be in communication with your little one and help them with their needs as best you can.  So we are not potty-trained, and there is no pressure for her to get it in the potty, but I am glad to not (for the most part!) change poopy diapers!

One last random thing - its a common cliche to say that one person makes a difference, but it is so true.  In some of my recent difficult moments, two individuals in particular have touched my life and uplifted me, and truly made a night and day difference for me. One was a dear friend I have known for some time - someone on whom I could pour out my woes, via text, and who took the time to listen and respond and help me out of my breakdown.  The other was someone I barely know at all, a neighbor with a little daughter, who dropped by unannounced one afternoon just to visit for a bit.  Nothing earth-shattering happened, but that contact was exactly what I needed to lift the fog and feel some relief.  So if you're a visiting teacher, or friend, or neighbor - make the time to just reach out! You don't know what a difference you might make.