Mission; Mothering

I've been home from my mission for four years and four months.  It was truly a very wonderful, very difficult, absolutely challenging and fulfilling, fully worth every moment, year and a half spent loving and learning and growing and serving.  If someone asked me, "Should I go?" my answer would be, "Absolutely!"  But get as ready as you can first.  Be worthy.  Have a testimony.  And determine to do everything you can to serve however you can, to lift rather than to weigh down.  It was a wonderful time - but more challenging than you could ever imagine.  :)

I've heard it said that those mission years were the best two years of one's life.  I've rarely heard it said that they were the hardest two years, maybe partly because that is not a very positive view of such an important period of service, and who wants to admit that anyway?  I will say it though!  They were the hardest of my life up til that point!  However!  Life goes on, and I feel glad and blessed to say that now, while I count my mission as a very special time, it is neither the best nor the hardest years of my life.  I do feel, however, that the experiences and learning that happened during that time have been the best training I could have ever received for the rest of life.

(Some may wonder about my focus on what the mission did for me, seeing that the mission is supposed to be about what we can do for other folks.  I must admit, while others can claim baptisms and miracles, cite numbers of lessons and Book of Mormon placements, my mission was, in those terms, not so successful.  The truth is, I don't really know all that my mission did for others.  I hope it was a blessing to them.  I was able to participate in some baptisms (which, every time, were marvelous, blessed events!) and I know that I was able to do the work the Lord had for me, but I didn't get to see a whole lot of the fruit.  So, while I can't really say what my service did for others, I do know what the Lord did for me through those experiences.)  That being said...

Yesterday was a hard day with my little charge!  We had an epic struggle, and although it all eventually ended well, it spanned nearly an hour and a half, had me in tears at several points, and truly brought me to the end of my wits.  Without going into details, I will simply say in retrospect that it involved, in small degree, obedience and cleaning up, with a large measure of age-typical non-compliance, an already not-so-good day for me, and ... I can't even remember what else now!  It got blown way out of proportion and turned into a real perfect storm of a power struggle.  It was HORRIBLE!

I talked with her dad, and called my mom for suggestions later and, after Eden was asleep, did some reading and pondering.  I was comforted, :) and enlightened, and encouraged enough to keep going.  But more than anything, I was reminded of my mission, the true, eternal, overwhelmingly important mission of motherhood  (or parenthood, I guess you could say.)  It helps everything to have to proper perspective.  I'm not little H.'s mom, but I am acting in loco parentis for a good portion of her life right now, and of course, I have my own daughter and new little one coming.  It helps me to remember what I am actually doing here.

I'm not trying to only shape behavior.  I'm not being the boss just because I'm bigger and its easier if I run things.  I'm not (primarily!) making them do things to make my life easier!  What I'm really trying to do is exactly the same thing I was doing in Spain, and that is, the Lord's work.  Bring souls to Him.  Invite them to come unto Christ.  Every little thing I do influences these little ones' perception of Heavenly Father and His love for them, and who and what our Savior is.  Every teaching, implicit or explicit, registers in their little hearts and minds and leaves the mark of love and truth or the opposite.  (Good thing they're so forgiving and resilient, and we can try again tomorrow!)  I just as much, if not more, need His inspiration and guidance to mother these little ones as I ever did to teach the gospel as a missionary.  I just as much, if not more, need to draw upon His words, His revelation, the power of prayer, the guidance of the Spirit.  I just as much need to examine myself, repent, and be worthy.  Of course, mothering looks a whole lot different and has a different timeline, but I know of no better preparation that I could have had for this crucial and eternal calling in which I am now privileged to serve.

(And just to be clear, I find this calling to be way harder and way better than the other one - but then the other set the stage for this, so I'm not saying its an either/or thing!)


And if you're still reading, past all the parentheses, probably-run-on sentences, and highly condensed, somewhat cryptic thoughts, I give you a gold star! :) And I have a really really good book to review sometime when my little Eden is not pulling at my knee and loudly demanding my attention.

A Corrupting Influence (a break from all the heavy stuff)

I just had to share this little experience!

On Thursday, Nate brought home the mail at his lunch break.  I was SO excited to get the Ensign for this month, and eagerly ripped off the plastic cover to flip through it while the girls ate their lunch.  H, of course, was intrigued by my interest, so I told her we'd look at it together after our quiet time.

She didn't forget, and as soon as we were up and at 'em again in the afternoon, she wanted to get it out and read it.  We didn't get any farther than the inside of the title page!  There we found a lovely painting of the five wise virgins, and since she wanted to know what it was about, I began to tell her the story of the 10 virgins.  

"Once there were 10 beautiful girls.  They were all good girls, but five of them were wise, and five were foolish.  Wise means kind of smart, someone who thinks ahead, and foolish means someone who doesn't use their head - someone who doesn't get ready and think ahead.  Anyway, these girls were all invited to go to a very special party, a wedding party where someone was going to get married.  They  were so excited!  They got on their best, prettiest clothes - see, beautiful dresses and flowers on their heads!- and then waited for the time to come.  Each one of them had a special little lamp in her hand,  a lamp that they could hold up and light the way for all the special people coming to the wedding when the bridegroom came.  See those little lamps?  What else to they have in their hands? See those little bottles?  Those are bottles of oil.  The wise girls thought ahead and made sure they brought extra oil to burn in their lamps, but the foolish girls did not.  

While they were waiting, guess what happened? It got later and later, and pretty soon, they all fell asleep.  It was dark, and they were all sleeping when suddenly, far in the distance, someone yelled, "The Bridegroom cometh!"

They were all still kind of asleep, but then they heard it again!

"The Bridegroom cometh!"

Hurry, hurry, everybody, straighten out your clothes!  All your lamps have gone out!  Quick, let's light them!  But remember, what was the problem?  The five wise girls brought extra oil, but did the foolish girls? No!  Oh, no!  Their lamps were gone out and they had no oil to light them!  They asked the wise girls, "Please, please, let us borrow some of your oil!" 

But the wise girls said, "We can't give you any!  Then there won't be enough for any of us!  Run, run quickly to the store and buy some!"

But while those foolish girls were gone, guess what happened?  The bridegroom came!  And there was a whole group of people, cheering and dancing and playing music, and the five wise girls got to run in the front with their lamps burning brightly! (a little poetic license;) Everyone was cheering, "The bridegroom cometh!  Hurray! Hurray! The bridegroom cometh!"

They all went along to the bride's house and then they all went inside! And because it was night, they shut the big gates, boom!, and locked them so no bad guys would sneak into the party.  It was such a great party!  There was light and tasty food and music and dancing, and everyone was so happy!

After a while, those five foolish girls came running up to the door, and they knocked on the door, bang! Bang! Bang! 

"Let us in! Let us in!" 

But the bridegroom said,"I'm sorry, I don't know who you are! I can't open the door!"  And those foolish girls were left outside.  They didn't get to go to the party at all.

This was all told in half-narrative, half-dramatized voice, and H. loved it so much that she had me repeat it three times in a row!  Her favorite part was hearing me shout, "The Bridegroom cometh!"  and then running around and dancing and holding up her "lamp" while cheering and shouting it herself. ;)  Lots of fun!

Awhile later, her mama came to get her.  Of course, at that moment, the adults are all in a hurry and the children are all like molasses.  I hustled H. upstairs to get the blanket she'd brought, and we found Eden in the spare bedroom, investigating a box of prepackaged alcohol wipes.  (Nate was nearby.)  H. wanted to know what those little things were, so I told her. 

"They're alcohol wipes.  Come on, lets go!"

"Can I have one?"

Aaahhh! Let's go! "Sure! Here, here is one for you.  Now let's go!  Your mama is waiting downstairs!"

"Oh! OK.  I'll save it til I'm grown up!"

What?! That's strange. Whatever! 

She still dawdled.  I tried to gently hurry her along.  No luck.  At the top of the stairs, she totally stalled.  You know how little kids' pockets and hands never quite seem to fit together properly?  She was trying to stuff it into her pocket without success, and would not go until it was safely stowed.  I told her to just go downstairs and her mama would help her, but she started to hyperventilate and lock her knees so I offered to just put it in her pocket myself.  That calmed her down.

"And so my mama won't know.  It will be a secret!  She can't know!  Hide it from her!"

Again, what?! 

"Honey, its ok! You can show it to her and she'll help you use it!"

"No! No! We have to keep it a secret!"

Ok.  Whatever.  It was in her pocket, we finally made it downstairs and they were out the door.  

Fifteen minutes later, as Nate and I were getting ready for a date, I heard my text alert ding.  It was from H.'s mom.  Apparently, H. couldn't hold her secret in any longer and so she confided to her mother that I had given her alcohol to drink, and it was hidden in her pocket!!!!  

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

That was why she told me she'd "save it until she was grown up!" That was why she wanted to keep it as secret from mommy! and why she freaked out about taking it downstairs in the open!

So here I am, a corrupting influence, teaching my little charge bible stories in the afternoon and then sending her home with a little alcohol in her pocket.  Yep, that's me!

(Thankfully her mom trusts me, and carefully explained what I'd actually given her and how it was used.  I'd hate to think what kind of memories of me she'd carry through her life if not!)

For the Beauty of the Earth - Alaskan Scenery

(by Nate)

For all who have been asking for pictures and that have so patiently waited. Here they are!! I never cease to be amazed at the beauty of the earth that Heavenly Father has created for us. The variety of landscape and the will to live manifest through all living things is astounding. Even in the harshest environments, those that are consigned to reside year round are able to adapt and thrive. How thankful I am to the Lord for the beauty of the earth.

These 1st two were my first 135 flight (my 1st flight that I took passengers for hire). I took two guys out across Bristol Bay to the West Side. They buried the ashes of their uncle. There are 2 sections of floats off of the old style fish nets cause he was one of the 1st fishermen that started up in Bristol Bay. 

And a bottle of ketchup since he put it on everything he ate. It was fun to be a part of that with them. Afterwards they wanted to go sightseeing for a bit. We saw a huge bull moose on the way home. 

This is looking NEast from Puale Bay. I have been flying with a couple of geologists for the last couple days. They have wanted to go to a bunch of different sites and look at the rocks and look for signs of petroleum. It has been pretty fun learning about geology and how to read the rocks.

NEast side of Puale bay

Puale Bay

Puale Bay

Puale Bay

Puale Bay

Puale Bay

Puale Bay

Puale Bay

Puale Bay

Cape Kekumoi

 Cape Kekumoi

Cape Kekumoi (looking NEast)

Fossils we found

This fox just came trotting down the beach without a care in mind, when suddenly he finally noticed me and stopped. He stopped right in front of me and just starred for almost a minute. As I was joking with him that I could have shot him dead 3 or 4 times by now and that he should be more careful, I realized that I should probably be taking a picture. By the time I got the camera out he had walked off a bit.

This is looking south from Cape Kekumoi 

More fossils

Looking South across Puale Bay

Looking South across Puale Bay

 1st brown bear I saw. He's in the center climbing up.

Another shot of the bear. Hopefully I will be able to get a good shot of one sometime (without getting eaten, haha!). 

Look closely and you will see airplane wreckage. A WWII B-17, well, what's left of it anyway.

More B-17 parts 

More B-17 parts

-Just east of Whale Mt, looking across Becharof Lake (2nd largest lake in Alaska) at Mt Peulik.

My cute baby. How do they feel comfy in these sorts of positions?

 SWest side of Becharof Lake. The big mountain is Mt Peulik. The formation to the left of Mt Peulik is called Gas Rocks.

Gas Rocks

Close up of Mt Peulik

 Crater at the bottom of Mt Peulik

Looking west on the south side of Becharof Lake. Pretty flat and boring.

Gas Rocks, so named for the CO2 that bubbles out of the ground around it.

Heading SEast out of Ugashik Crater

 An old oil camp from 1902ish time frame. You can see the old boiler in the middle of the rubble.

 Looking North. Off the North side, across the creek to the North side of the valley and to the left of the tributary is an oil seep.

 Coming out of the pass into Wide Bay

Brown bear running across the open tundra. (Blackish dot left of the 3rd creek up from the bottom)

5ft deep pit that the natives used to cover with wood and sod to make a house. Its hard to see.

Big bear track!

 SWest side of Coal Pt. looking south

SWest side of Coal Pt. looking SWest

Big sea cave

Can you find the eagle's nest?

Looking south down Wide Bay

Ugashik Crater

 Ugashik Crater

Ugashik Crater 

Ugashik Crater

Ugashik Crater 

 Ugashik Crater. Upper Ugashik Lake in background

Entering the Valley of Ten Thousand Smokes

Lake behind Dakavak Bay

Seals watching us on their beach

Another seal. There were about 4 or 5 watching us at any one time.

I think this is a wolf but not sure. Just a track in the sand, not a fossil.

Fossilized bullet

Sand trunks. Little pillars of sand that are somehow growing up.

Looking down the valley of Ten Thousand Smokes.

Bottom of Ten Thousand Smokes. The entire valley floor is covered in this ash flow from the last eruption in 1912.

The rivers make it look like a miniature Grand Canyon. Three Forks overlook is on the hill.

Looking up the valley of the Little Ugashik river. The oil seep is behind and to the left on the north side.

Some interesting plants that look like they will flower soon.